Posts Tagged ‘bad’

As I write this blog I am nearing the 24th hour of consciousness which probably shouldn’t happen for someone who has to have attention to detail at work. I will take this time to first say that I am making a commitment to my blog as I have had a lot of people who have given me positive feedback and I have not touched it in quite some time. The last time I wrote here it was about my issues sleeping. Well I can say that the issue is still evident and I am a shining example of consistency. I am up when I should be nearing time to wake up. Normally things on my mind never cause me to lose sleep, but tonight is different.

I have a mind that normally moves at the speed of a nervous virgin during his first time with a woman. I am fine with that as it is par for the course for a person that has no rhyme or reason for thinking about the things I think about. Normally I can parry the silliness and just force myself to sleep. Tonight for some reason, my head is a buzz saw of nonsense that I cannot slow enough to even purge from my cerebral stronghold. Any other night I would have a head filled with what can only be described as an acid trip while being water boarded by clowns on the set of a 70’s porn shoot while receiving a Dutch Rudder. Yes….I am fantastically weird and you now have a small glimpse into what makes me the person you all know and hopefully love. However that is not what is going through my head tonight. It seems as though the weird things I can handle with ease but when real dilemmas displace all other ‘regular’ thoughts I am incapable of sleeping until I have devised some sort of game plan to combat the intrusion of normality into my chaotic symphony of a brain.

I again am at the point of counting the time I will be able to sleep if I just immediately fell asleep right this second. Once that seal has been broken, the downward slide from being in bed to looking forward to work is a descent into hatred and raw frustration. I can already tell that the probability of me having a ‘Nigga Moment‘ at work is amazingly high as of right now due to my lack of patience when I am deprived of literally the easiest thing we as humans have to do which is sleep. As I slouch with the best of the worst posture and contemplate how I will make June 12th not be the day that my stellar 15 year streak of not losing my mind  comes to an end; I can only hope that the coffee is laced with Kool-Aid and Monster. Good night and thanks for reading. I will be making sure I keeps the blogs coming.

Advertisements

I am beginning a blog at the wonderfully late time of 2:30AM on the dot. I will preface it by saying, “shits about to get weird”.

I am a victim. I am suffering and there is no end in sight. I have been clapped in metaphoric chains and as much as I fight it, the wiggle room becomes taught with every tussle. The culprit? Insomnia. I have actually been good about getting some sleep seeing as how I have to wake up at a quarter to 5 every morning just to be late to work. Prior to my early morning job I had the comfort of being at ease with my insomnia as my job required me not being there until the afternoon. For someone like me who is at his most creative and his most free at the wee hours, I don’t know how I have been able to maintain outer sanity. Inner sanity has been compromised but I have an intricate and aggressive plan for keeping my inner mashed potatoes mixed in with my outer macaroni on the dinner plate of my compos mentis. I won’t go into it for fear of being ousted like a witch in Salem. Lets just say that it is a very involved process and requires the mental capacity of a dolphin that learned to walk and speak with a Scottish accent and then stumbled onto the Higgs boson based off of a bet he made to the contrary with a colleague. I see people lose their shit all the time due to insomnia and it is never a pretty site. The funniest part of someone having a breakdown is the minute or 2 after they just realized they just had a full on shit show in public. They collect whatever clothing was thrown in the ordeal and try to maintain a mean  face in the process so no one calls them out for the drama bomb that ensued. I for one have never had a breakdown. And good god have I been tested. I wear my cerebral control as a badge of honor. I look at it as a mini competition and I am seeing how many days in a row I can go without any factory accidents. So far we have a 15 year streak going. I can’t in good faith count my early teenage years as I was an emotional mess.

 
I am at the point now where I am counting how much sleep I could get if I fell asleep right this second and I am not liking the results so far. There is nothing that can be considered 100% normal going on at this hour. I just turned off a documentary about prostitutes on HBO. But only because I have seen it already and it just isn’t as shocking after 9th time seeing it. I don’t know what do with myself at this hour so my brother suggested I write. This is the cosmic slop that came out. Are you not entertained? So for the immediate future I will just fight making a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (CTC as it is known in some circles), lay in perpetual discomfort, fill my blanket with unpleasant olfactory violations, and check my Facebook from my phone. I love you all and I would love to put confidence in saying good night, but I cannot. So………lates.