Posts Tagged ‘flu’

Holy shit! The flu is no joke. I was reduced to literally laying down and doing nothing all weekend. Which is kinda terrible when you have hungry kids. Thank Thor it was raining outside this weekend so the sugar they curiously had in their systems wasn’t requested to be de-fueled outdoors. I was an absolutely worthless father ALL weekend. I did nothing for my kids outside of sandwiches and putting  Puss ‘n’ Boots in the Blu-Ray player. And I am sure they will also be sick as I handled their food with the care of  a 3rd world meat kiosk without access to electricity. But what it lacked in care, it made up with in love. And by love I mean I gave them 4 different sandwiches and a bag of chips to buy myself some sleep time. I trust my daughter enough to know that some Disney XD and Cheetos is a day well spent. Its my son who I feared waking up to a re-enactment of any movie where everything was destroyed and there are no survivors. I am glad that my preemptive DVR training for my kids has paid off. They handled On-Demand like some pre-teen champs in my absence.

I am also glad that at this time I am single. No woman would respect a man after the smell of being sick all day has hit the olfactories. I smelled like what I am positive the inside of Wendy Williams’ female body suit smells like. I have since showered, but the length of time betwixt cleansings was unbearably lengthy. I am not ashamed to admit this only because I would like offer my kudo’s to any woman or any man who sticks through next to someone while they are incapable to being able to function due to illness. I mean I can’t say I was at the point where a sponge bath was necessary. But I am sure if someone was there I would have taken way too many liberties with their kindness.

The entire time I was laying in bed sick all I could think about was Jordan put up 38 against the Jazz with the flu. Why can’t I get out of the effing bed? At the very least I feel as though I should have at least been able to sit and watch TV with my kids this weekend. But I felt like an innkeeper for 2 small travelers. Just showed them where to poop and how easy it was to use the ice maker. I am glad that my annual sickness has come and gone. I have no use for being useless. I will make it up to my kids this weekend by buying them something Bieber’esque to destroy (they hate Bieber) and following it up with Icees. I love my youngins.

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