Posts Tagged ‘stand up’

Holy shit! The flu is no joke. I was reduced to literally laying down and doing nothing all weekend. Which is kinda terrible when you have hungry kids. Thank Thor it was raining outside this weekend so the sugar they curiously had in their systems wasn’t requested to be de-fueled outdoors. I was an absolutely worthless father ALL weekend. I did nothing for my kids outside of sandwiches and putting  Puss ‘n’ Boots in the Blu-Ray player. And I am sure they will also be sick as I handled their food with the care of  a 3rd world meat kiosk without access to electricity. But what it lacked in care, it made up with in love. And by love I mean I gave them 4 different sandwiches and a bag of chips to buy myself some sleep time. I trust my daughter enough to know that some Disney XD and Cheetos is a day well spent. Its my son who I feared waking up to a re-enactment of any movie where everything was destroyed and there are no survivors. I am glad that my preemptive DVR training for my kids has paid off. They handled On-Demand like some pre-teen champs in my absence.

I am also glad that at this time I am single. No woman would respect a man after the smell of being sick all day has hit the olfactories. I smelled like what I am positive the inside of Wendy Williams’ female body suit smells like. I have since showered, but the length of time betwixt cleansings was unbearably lengthy. I am not ashamed to admit this only because I would like offer my kudo’s to any woman or any man who sticks through next to someone while they are incapable to being able to function due to illness. I mean I can’t say I was at the point where a sponge bath was necessary. But I am sure if someone was there I would have taken way too many liberties with their kindness.

The entire time I was laying in bed sick all I could think about was Jordan put up 38 against the Jazz with the flu. Why can’t I get out of the effing bed? At the very least I feel as though I should have at least been able to sit and watch TV with my kids this weekend. But I felt like an innkeeper for 2 small travelers. Just showed them where to poop and how easy it was to use the ice maker. I am glad that my annual sickness has come and gone. I have no use for being useless. I will make it up to my kids this weekend by buying them something Bieber’esque to destroy (they hate Bieber) and following it up with Icees. I love my youngins.

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I would like to say I am new to blogging. But countless forms of social media have been running blogs for me for quite some time now.  I guess a small rant into my history and what got me into blogging would be the norm. But I really don’t think anyone cares about my back story. I feel that in order to post a back story, enough people outside of your own family have to actually give a shit. So until I become a famous blogger or create an embarrassing but famous sex tape (I’m not picky), I will just try to captivate with my writing style and quippy remarks.

The thing that seems to be the opening topic when people see the name Bad Advice Man is, “what the hell does that mean”. I used to be happy to explain the origins of how I garnered such a moniker. That is until I saw that simplicity of it and how it should be common sense to figure out what it means. It is because of responses like that, people would say I come off as a smart ass. And I actually take that as a compliment. The antithesis of me being a smart ass is much less appealing. So I take the greater of the pair and I wear it as a badge of honor. The dumb ass club is a lot easier to get into than the smart ass club (brutal application process).

This blog is hopefully showing one of the main things that I hold dear, which is my randomness. This post is going nowhere fast and I applaud those still reading and hoping for some sort of substance this deep into a first post about nothing on a blog. I will however end the suffering by graciously bowing out. I may at some point have to get some work done since I am in fact at work.